The Power Of Routines For Children

Why should parents set up for routines for their kids? And what are the most important parts of effective routines for children?

Darren Hardy, New York Times best selling author of The Compound Effect, said, “A daily routine built on good habits and disciplines separates the most successful among us from everyone else.” This is surprisingly true. It is not intelligence, nor the correct family tree, nor good fortune. And while all those may offer assistance at times, it truly is the repetition of a well-honed routine that breeds consistent success.

As we creep towards and arrive at the beginning of a new school year, this offers the perfect opportunity for parents to help their school-age children develop a series of morning and afternoon routines that will successfully launch them into the 180-day orbit that is the school year.

Why establish routines

Children thrive on structure and routines, according to Seattle Children’s Hospital.

Why?

Kids feel safe and secure in their environment. This allows them to know what is happening now in the present and, more importantly, what is to come in the near future. Anxiety and frustration melt away into a puddle of the known. 

Routines also help children cope better with transitions, according to PBS Kids. Some children have a challenging time shifting from school to home. They may keep themselves together at school, saving the meltdown for the safety of home. Establishing an after-school routine can help with this transition period. Children practice their self-regulation skills, which will foster a more positive self-image and healthy social emotional development.

Finally, routines can reduce conflict and power struggles, according to The Kids Mental Health Foundation. Quite simply, when kids know what is expected of them there is a reduced chance of conflict and rebellious behavior. For example, knowing the expectation is to start homework after arriving home from school prevents the parent from having to remind and nag their child to do so.

How to set up routines that work

Strive to create a schedule that includes a designated homework time, healthy snack break, chores, physical activity – especially if your child does not play a formal sport, family connection time, down time, and free time. Additionally, name the location in your home where each activity is expected to occur.

Think about your child’s age, temperament, energy level, daily homework amount, and extra curricular activities, if any. Set up time blocks for each element in the schedule. 

Include your child in the process! The main elements need to be in the routine; however, your child can suggest the order and time length needed for each part. Coach, nudge, and sway as necessary. A two-hour video game session upon arriving home may not be the best start to an after school routine!

Be consistent as much as possible. The consistency creates predictability. And as the author Hardy shares, it is the daily repetition of these good habits that success is built on.

Perhaps most importantly: Post the schedule as a visual aid so that your child will see it each day upon entering your home.

What to do if your child won’t follow a routine

Of course all of this sounds great until your child looks at you like you have three heads and each one is speaking a different foreign language! Not every kid is going to automatically fall in line following even a reasonable routine.

First, simplify the routine and ensure your child understands exactly what is being asked of them.

Next, post the schedule in a clear location – on the refrigerator, for example –  with simple to follow directions.

Start with mealtimes, homework time, and bedtime. Add on other parts as your child becomes settled into a basic routine.

Consistency is critical. Each day the expectations ought to be the same, as much as possible.

Allow your child to be part of the routine creation. They can suggest the order of their after-school schedule. Of course be ready to gently guide them to an appropriate schedule.

Provide positive reinforcement. It could be verbal praise or even a monetary reward if the routine is followed correctly.

Lastly, praise the effort! Even if your child fails at following the routine, compliment what they did do right. Perhaps they got home, had their snack, then began homework, but it was too difficult or they did not understand what to do. Offering praise for the effort is huge and deposits money into the good will bank.

When to implement routines

The three times of day that benefit the most from an established routine are in the morning before school, in the afternoon after school, and at bedtime. A key component to the success of routines is keeping the same order of activities, according to Raising Children Network.

Morning routines ought to include:

Parent “Me Time.” Provide yourself – the parent – with 10 to 15 minutes of me time before the kids get up. This time can offer you an opportunity to complete a quick yoga practice or mindful mediation or to simply enjoy a cup of coffee with your spouse. Bonus: sensitive kids can pick up on your stress so it is even more important that you relax before you encounter the kids in the morning.

Eat a healthy breakfast. Depending on the age of your kids, you may need to still be chef and wait staff. Starting the day with a healthy meal can launch your child’s day with a smile and optimism to handle another day of learning and growing.

Proper hygiene. Kids may need reminders about brushing teeth and washing hands. Make sure these seemingly obvious steps are in your posted morning routine.

Eliminate morning electronics. This means no television or phone use. Kids, especially neurodivergent ones, will frequently gravitate to electronics as a way to appease boredom. Or simply out of bad habit. This will derail them from getting dressed and or brushing their teeth. 

Ensure lunch is packed. Frequently this can be accomplished the night before, but ensure your child has his lunch packed before you leave the house.

Homework and necessary items are packed. Like lunch, this step can be completed the night before, but either way backpacks need to be packed and ready with computers, homework and any other necessary items.

Afternoon routines ought to include:

Snack. Depending on your child’s schedule, they may have eaten lunch early in the day and are ravenous upon arriving home. Because you control the food pipeline in your home, ensure there is a variety of healthy snack options.

Homework time. Yes, your child knows she must complete her homework, but a good routine specifies what time and where in the house this is will occur. Generally, the earlier the better. Waiting until 8:00 pm to start homework is never a good idea, no matter what age your child is!

Physical activity/movement. If your child plays a sport, this step may be unnecessary. However, for the majority of kids, they need to get the CDC’s recommended 60 minutes of exercise per day. If your child has ADHD/ADD then this becomes critical! Whether your family is blessed with a big beautiful backyard or you need to hike it to a nearby park, encourage your child to get out and get moving. They are more likely to agree and enjoy this if other kids are present.

Downtime. A good after-school routine ought to include some downtime. This means no electronics. Your child could listen to music (yes, this is electronics but not screen time), read a book, write in a journal (about what a wonderful parent you are for creating this routine), or just daydream; there is power in doing nothing.

Free time. Of course, every kid just wants to get home form school and have the rest of the afternoon and evening to themselves. After all they have been tortured – we mean learning – all day in school. Business before pleasure is an enduring idiom for a reason, and it is never too early to begin teaching this concept to your child.

Bedtime routines should include:

A consistent bedtime and wake up time. Good sleep hygiene starts with a set bedtime and consistent wake up time. Encouraging your child to adopt these routines will benefit both their physical and mental health.

Brushing teeth and putting on pajamas. Most children are not wired to want to brush their teeth. This practice must be established and part of a nightly pre-bed routine.

Read-aloud story. Younger children – up through elementary school- typically enjoy listening to a story before bed. As a bonus: research shows that reading aloud can improve school performance!

Quiet time. This could include reading a book, coloring, and or working on a puzzle.

Reinforcement and kind words. Ending the day with a hug and or kiss sends the message to your child that they are loved and cared for. Offer a compliment about their day and or some positive affirmation that helps your child feel safe and secure.

Final thoughts

Certain times of the year are ripe to start new habits. New Year’s Day and our birthdays are two obvious examples. For children, the beginning of the school year is one of these fertile times of the year when routines and new habits are likely to take root and grow, with the right nourishment. As we have emphasized, it is the repetition of good daily habits that separates the successful from the those that languish in mediocrity and/or unfulfilling results. By helping your child to develop a before school, after school and bed time routine, you are setting them up for success not only in school but for the rest of their lives. 

If you or your child struggle with developing or following a routine, contact Jennifer Disch at Engage the Brain to discover how an Executive Functions coach could work with your child to teach these critical skills.